Voyage of Discovery

Life is like Ramadan- a sixteen hour journey. Chicago to D.C.London to Paris. Land's End to John O' Groats.

When I reach my destination I will have been exposed to who I really am, warts, hypocrisies, inconsistencies and all.

I catch my reflection in the rearview mirror.

I daren't take an inner selfie just yet.

I wish to see my life as favors

instead of this lens of darkness and calamity.

I want to nurture gratitude instead of petulance.

Alhamdulillah instead of astaghferullah.

You get the idea.

The ninety nine names guide and calm me.

Allah is Al Rahman to me even when I am despicable and low

He is Al Raheem when I barely deserve it.

He loves me more than seventy mothers.

That's hard to imagine. Ammijan would lay down her Brit-Asian life for me

at a moment's notice. Two score more of her?

Unfathomable.

It frankly embarasses me.

Makes sinning tricky.

I would be breaking off ties-albeit briefly- with the one who loves me most in the world.

Would I myself not be the first victim of the sin?

I pause at a rest stop as it hits me.

Allah forgives me so I must try to forgive others.

How can I not value those whom he loves-

It's only fair.

There are so many types of eens in the world.

A glance in that wretched mirror again makes me shudder.

Am I really that close to the munafiqueen

or fasiqeen instead

of the saliheen?

Iblis was originally a pious soul

who let his arrogance get out of control.

Humility is hard.

I peer inside my heart, sift through the impurities, perform a tiny bypass.

The voyage is lonely when there is no companion.

Also somebody to keep me on the straight path.

I can follow rules and memorize legal injunctions.

They keep me in check, minimize moving violations.

But I have this need to connect.

To Nature, to community and to self.

And I find it in Salat.

And in it I renew hope.

There are all kinds of journeys in life.

The best kind lead us upwards.

With the least diversions.

Where am I on the ladder?

What are my most consistent acts? Maybe I'm praying, and fasting but am I being kind to others on a daily basis?

Do I follow the command to to think critically?

Am I looking out for signs in the world?

Do I accept that there are things to which I must submit,

Do I know that I just don't know.

There are letters in the Quran and events and concepts

Beyond my ken.

This life is not the real life.

This is only a test of the broadcasting system.

Though Taqwa may be my airbag

I have to try not to fear anything except Allah.

It's the path of least distraction, devoid of illegal U turns.

The Prophet's life

teaches me about integrity, tenacity, truth.

His trials, tribulations and character

Instruct,inspire, haunt me.

His example makes the journey bearable.

Maybe one day he may whisper, “You have arrived”.